Morning Loop
Alberto Alvarez
It feels like it’s never going to stop. The constant trepidation and vulnerability. Feeling like the next possible step or misstep will last with you for as long as the time I’ve been sentient. My eyes are still dim despite the sheer force I use to open them. My body, numb and collapsed on my mattress, stuck in my shell of a body. That gets knocked around by the devouring wind of the earth’s atmosphere.
I leave the walls that shelter my dark obscurities toward the outside of the world and hide it. Adapt to the day-by-day cycle of civilization, even for just a moment. The morning sky projects its atmosphere toward any person’s emotion that carries on the rest of the day. It’s cloudy. Perhaps I’ll take a walk today. When walking, I’m always reminded of the fallen russet leaves laying on the sidewalks around this time of year, it keeps me intact with the time of the season we currently are experiencing. I walk on and on until I reach a plaza I usually go to. A coffee would sound nice right about now.
With only two people left in front of me, I eventually get my turn.
“Good morning”
“Good morning! what can I get you today?”
“Just a plain black coffee, thank you.”
“You got it--may I get a name?”
“Aaron.”
“O...k, $3.54. Should be out shortly”
“Thank you.” I pay for my drink
She was nice, perhaps I’ll leave a tip before I sit down and wait.
The faint yet ear-crawling chatter of the cafe adds to its warm early sunrise atmosphere as I wait. The variety of people at the right place at the right time shows the mear expansive yet minimalism of the world. A young lady typing away on her computer, bags under her eyes from a possible overload of her academics. Iced coffee. Some suit barking at his phone with pure irritation, Cappuccino. A near middle-aged couple together was concerned about their finances as they seemed to drift apart. Hot green tea and a flat white. I sit here too, what would I contribute?
“Aaron!” the same barista calls out.
I get up from my seat and pick up my order. “Thank you”
“Anytime!” she smiles and proceeds with her job
Perhaps I won’t sit and stay to enjoy my coffee. As the chatter fades, the strong glacier of the wind explodes in front of me on my way out. The sun is peaking. Perhaps I’ll walk to the used bookstore.
The warm white light shines on the yellow pages slowly deteriorating. Not as many people as in the evening. Walking these shelves feel endless in its beauty, a kind of eternity reminiscent of a swift admirable death. Picking each book to see if I may find something new or interesting. Flipping through the stiff and stained pages absorbing something new. Something that won’t remind me of my routine repetition. As each calculated exhausting hour suffocates my body and dismantles my mind. Just a little relief feels like so much to ask or achieve, yet I still try. “The Sound of Waves”, looks interesting enough. When the line is long
“$4.65 is your change, sir, come again,” the staff member said.
“Oh... thank you,” I say shaken out of my drifting daze
The coffee cup made it right into the trash can, I didn’t miss it this time. Walking the sidewalk eventually led me to the view of the sea. It was the tallest outlook of the bay that the city could see. Witness the bustling boats commute back and forth very loosely yet efficiently. I lean on the rails soaked in condensation and observe the vastness of its Un foreseeability. Ultimately.
That’s all I could do. I merely observe. I observe and react to everything surrounding me every second of my time. Taking each step feels as if it’s puzzling. Part of a complete puzzle that shows a mear nauseating image that indeed implies an ending….
But, maybe the image as a whole could be my only advantage. The smaller picture that I currently hold in my existence is not what it truly might be for me. Loosening my grip but still holding on to what I can. Letting each minute takes its time. It may be disheartening throughout, but also enlightening. I think I could breathe a little more if so.
It’s sunny now
Perhaps I’ll take a day off of work next month too.
I leave the walls that shelter my dark obscurities toward the outside of the world and hide it. Adapt to the day-by-day cycle of civilization, even for just a moment. The morning sky projects its atmosphere toward any person’s emotion that carries on the rest of the day. It’s cloudy. Perhaps I’ll take a walk today. When walking, I’m always reminded of the fallen russet leaves laying on the sidewalks around this time of year, it keeps me intact with the time of the season we currently are experiencing. I walk on and on until I reach a plaza I usually go to. A coffee would sound nice right about now.
With only two people left in front of me, I eventually get my turn.
“Good morning”
“Good morning! what can I get you today?”
“Just a plain black coffee, thank you.”
“You got it--may I get a name?”
“Aaron.”
“O...k, $3.54. Should be out shortly”
“Thank you.” I pay for my drink
She was nice, perhaps I’ll leave a tip before I sit down and wait.
The faint yet ear-crawling chatter of the cafe adds to its warm early sunrise atmosphere as I wait. The variety of people at the right place at the right time shows the mear expansive yet minimalism of the world. A young lady typing away on her computer, bags under her eyes from a possible overload of her academics. Iced coffee. Some suit barking at his phone with pure irritation, Cappuccino. A near middle-aged couple together was concerned about their finances as they seemed to drift apart. Hot green tea and a flat white. I sit here too, what would I contribute?
“Aaron!” the same barista calls out.
I get up from my seat and pick up my order. “Thank you”
“Anytime!” she smiles and proceeds with her job
Perhaps I won’t sit and stay to enjoy my coffee. As the chatter fades, the strong glacier of the wind explodes in front of me on my way out. The sun is peaking. Perhaps I’ll walk to the used bookstore.
The warm white light shines on the yellow pages slowly deteriorating. Not as many people as in the evening. Walking these shelves feel endless in its beauty, a kind of eternity reminiscent of a swift admirable death. Picking each book to see if I may find something new or interesting. Flipping through the stiff and stained pages absorbing something new. Something that won’t remind me of my routine repetition. As each calculated exhausting hour suffocates my body and dismantles my mind. Just a little relief feels like so much to ask or achieve, yet I still try. “The Sound of Waves”, looks interesting enough. When the line is long
“$4.65 is your change, sir, come again,” the staff member said.
“Oh... thank you,” I say shaken out of my drifting daze
The coffee cup made it right into the trash can, I didn’t miss it this time. Walking the sidewalk eventually led me to the view of the sea. It was the tallest outlook of the bay that the city could see. Witness the bustling boats commute back and forth very loosely yet efficiently. I lean on the rails soaked in condensation and observe the vastness of its Un foreseeability. Ultimately.
That’s all I could do. I merely observe. I observe and react to everything surrounding me every second of my time. Taking each step feels as if it’s puzzling. Part of a complete puzzle that shows a mear nauseating image that indeed implies an ending….
But, maybe the image as a whole could be my only advantage. The smaller picture that I currently hold in my existence is not what it truly might be for me. Loosening my grip but still holding on to what I can. Letting each minute takes its time. It may be disheartening throughout, but also enlightening. I think I could breathe a little more if so.
It’s sunny now
Perhaps I’ll take a day off of work next month too.
